Dearest Yusuf and adik,
i realized if i were to make a post directly to both of you it will be less dramatic and emotional. but instead be full of love and care to explain of the recent misfortune that happened to our country. And a bit to myself. Who else better to talk to than you guys eh? *kiss*
Everyone in Malaysia, and partly the whole world, is aware of the missing MAS plane MH370, 5 days ago. Yes, its been 5 days babies. The plane just miraculously disappeared off radar while en route to Beijing, and it has been quiet ever since. Our country's search and rescue team and some volunteers from other countries are all out there looking for this plane. Mommy can only pray and hope for the best that Allah will bestow His mercy onto this misfortune that He has allowed to happen. My heart and doa goes to the family of the passengers and crew involved.
Altho i was going to write about my frustration of some people's reactions to the whole thing, all i know is that it will be futile. Coz basically they are nasty sayang. And sadly the world has quite a lot of them nasty peeps. And mommy's assumption on why they are so, is because their mommies didn't love them enough. Esp during growing up. Im pretty convinced. Only people without good mothering will have that amount of bad-mouthing and atrocious attitude. It really does show.
Speaking of which, i've been having my fair share of tests lately on parenting as well. With the haze happening, mommy fell sick. And so are you Yusuf. So it's been 3 consecutive nights where you couldn't sleep peacefully from your cough and being all restless. Honestly at times i felt like losing it but i had to hold it in and just cried helplessly instead. Coz i know u must be soo uncomfortable and it's definitely not your fault. And i just happen to be sooooo tired sayang. So much so i nearly passed out one day in the toilet. Had to be from the lack of sleep and extreme fatigue. Not to mention the viral infection going on. But alhamdulillah so far still ok and adik, masyaAllah, you are strong baby! Allah is definitely the best to watch over u! And i'm so grateful for that! Coz i know you can feel all the internalized negative emotions i'm feeling. May it not affect you permanently sayang. Do excuse mommy.
I can really now say that being a mom, beats being a wife anytime. Everyone will need a mother. Not all will need a wife. I should know coz u both, esp abang Yusuf now is showing how much he really needs me. Nobody can replace me. not even daddy. So i should also come to terms that as a married adult, we also need our mommies sometimes. So am gonna trade this negative feeling of how things are thrown to me lately simply because someone needs his mother. Gonna try my best not to care so much iA.
I can only wish that all moms out there, whether working or staying at home, to please strive to give good mothering and parenting to your kids. The amount of time u have with them may differ but what's important is we try to shower them with love and care, the best way we can by Allah's standards. Coz I've seen the product of children raised by a sore mom. As much as these kids try to outgrow or remove the malice being directly/indirectly shown to raise them, sadly they will never obliterate the bad habit completely. It will always be a part of them. As if imprinted in their genes.
Trust me when i say that is true. They can try to change or read up every parenting book and tips when they become parents themselves. but at the time when they are vulnerable, that's when you see his/her mother and father's characters break through. So if bad examples were being taught, that's exactly what will come out. It's freakin scary, and worst is when you think they will be different from their parents. But they can't. I guess it's trying to tell us that raising children is not a piece of cake. So i can only vow and strive to not be that selfish to you both. By letting my flaws pour out whenever i feel like it.
Coz Yusuf, i pray for you to be a great man and husband and father to your family. And adik, i pray for you to be a great wife and mother to your family too. It's been said that only our prophet and his sahabat were great husbands to their wives. But in order to get that kind of man, the wife must be of khadijah's or aisha's trait as well. It is only fair i guess. Even tho i'm nowhere near, as a mother i can only pray for His kindness to bestow that blessing for the both of you.
So i'm happy to be a mother. Coz i know as a person, i have the most say to how things go in terms of raising you. No other human beings like your aunties, uncles, grandparents or even daddy can overtake me in terms of being responsible for you. Not as long as He says i'm still around. So i will face anyone who tries to challenge my god-given authority head on. And may they be stricken with shame whenever they try to coz they know they have never, or will ever, come close to how i'm doing my job.
In view of all things that are happening now, i don't know if it will get worst or better. But whatever it is, i'm somewhat content about it coz i know this life is not permanent in the first place. So i'm not gonna worry myself sick if im not 100% happy here. Coz we're not meant to. The final resting place is set. And there, we're promised everlasting happiness and immeasureable pleasure way beyond anything that can be given in this life. And not to mention stress-free! May we be amongst those destined and worthy for jannah my babies. InsyaAllah.
Forever grateful to have you both,