I am 2!

Whoever says you can write anything you want without consequences is obviously lying. 

I have drafted a post prior to this one, and actually published it. But after deliberating with hubs, it is wise not to publish it right this moment. Simply because we agree i won't be mentally ready to face the consequences that will arise from my forwardness and truth. Sad but that's the reality for me.

So i decided to just write one of motivating and inspiring in nature. And who else than my own child(ren) as one of the sources (besides my husband of course!). 

Alhmdulillah Yusuf has turned 2 with His Grace and Mercy yesterday. As much as he himself is learning growing up, i too have learned growing as a person and further improving and understanding my role as a mother. And yes, that makes me also turned 2 years of having the title mommy!

As for milestones and achievements, i'm not big in sharing. Or maybe i just don't know where to begin! Hehehe. But alhamdulillah, it has been fun and impressive, all with His permission. As for me, i have definitely learned a lot in this past 2 years.

I notice i move a lot more. As in taking actions and doing, rather than simply mouthing them out. This is because i realized that to raise a well mannered, good-natured, and even a God-fearing protege or human being is by doing it yourself first and setting the examples. So it has to be ingrained in me in order for it to be natural for my kids. It is definitely not easy coz we are so used to telling people the good and right things to do, but hardly do it ourselves. In malay we call it "cakap tak serupa bikin." It's a long word for hypocrisy really.

I admit, i myself can't avoid from being one 100%, but nevertheless i have to try. And if i falter, i have to admit and explain my flaws to them. And keep practicing to improve on it. Rather than being in denial and go "i'm always right" about it just because i'm a mother. Some would call this a sacrifice, coz technically, anything difficult to do out of our habits are considered sacrificing. I'm gonna be frank that that is full of BS. If you grew up wrongly and that makes you the way you are, you're just messed up. It's better to admit it soon coz then it will open doors for you to unlearn and relearn stuff. If not, then yea, you'll be stuck in denial all your life telling yourself you're a good mom and won't change anything at all. Whatever. As long as you can sleep well at night, then it's ok i guess.

Within this 2 years, i have also learned to speak out more on what i think is right for my child. I have grown out of my shell to not be timid or submissive to the intimidation of elders or other senior moms on certain parenting ways by coming out strong of my own and be adamant about it. I realized i have to do this coz i want my children to know how it is to fight for their rights and at the same time in tune with Allah's blessings. I want them to be bold and brave but at the same time can be also condescending and polite, depending on who and what type of person they are dealing with. I want them to naturally be ok to disagree with people of different opinions but still maintain ukhuwah and professionalism. Yang penting conscience is clear and not bertentangan to islamic values.

Tough? You bet! Mana taknyer. I wasn't even raised that way! Theoretically it has been taught lar. But to actually see it done live? Belom i'm afraid. Ive seen fights, break ups, masam2 muka all because tak berani nak cakap how they feel, and somehow talking or scowling behind the person's back seems more convenient. Albeit unfulfilling tho. Coz they still end up stressed jugak. Yeaa, a very mature adult move right there. 

Why? Simply because a lot of us are afraid of confrontations. We assume any disagreements as a means of fights and dislikes. Honestly tak wujud pun orang yang ok jer with everything. But apparently saying "no thank you, i'd like to stick to my way" is somehow evil and frowned upon. Pfft. We prefer to take advantage on nice people by being mean and harsh to them, but to actual intruders, we rather swallow it and be polite. Tapi depan jer, belakang mengata. Worst, with some, sanggup unfriend terus sebab tak berani nak demand explanation or properly discuss about it. Yang penting declare world war dulu. Don't be surprise this happens rampantly in some families for it to become a habit and an attitude to be portrayed publicly. But of course dalam facebook or instagram semua nampak happy and baik lar. And don't think having degrees or masters or PHDs makes a person smart and automatically mature and responsible. Smart sure, but maturity, tak confirm langsung. So i guess one can summarize this whole paragraph as describing a hypocrite in big capital letters. And worst, this person can be a parent!

Another crucial thing i'm going to have to master doing is the art of ignoring. Not to my own hubs and kids, but to noises. They are usually outsiders/intruders who happens to see us not doing the norm and insist on forcing their values or belittling ours. Ignoring is the initial stage, which im gonna need more practice on. But the next stage which is "pouncing" or "attack" is a stage i am somewhat familiar and pretty pro at. Haha. Yeap. Am a proud tiger mommy defending her cubs and family.

Thanks Robert! This i shall try religiously!

My other big challenge that i need to conquer is to stop Yusuf from breastfeeding. Ya Allah, susah ok! Maybe coz i tak sampai hati watching him crying furiously not getting it. I managed to cut it down to just for naps and bedtime. So if for leisurely, i just pujuk him against it saying he's a big boy now and these will be for adik. And that Allah only permits till 2 years old. Ive yet to resort to fooling him with putting euww stuff on my boobs tho. 

So all in all, i'm really excited for the many more years to come iA so that i could learn from my children. and not to mention adik will be lucky coz mommy is now at a pretty confident stage of mommyhood to exercise our own family values and better protect her and abang insyaAllah.

May He grant us success!

P/s: despite turning two as a mommy, today also makes me turn 4 years, 4 months and 4 days as a wife! Woot! Woot! Alhamdulillah. May we will be blessed with 44 years and more till jannah as a couple insyaAllah! Love you babyboy!