Wednesday, December 11, 2013

Too long to tweet so i blog lar

Salam! I realized i didnt post anything for december yet, so here goes! Hehe.

I just realized something. One of those self reflecting nights. I'm literally out of control when it comes to my thoughts. I mean i can jump-think from one thing to another. And somehow social networks helps me channel them! And it made me become the emotional-wreck i have been for the past how many years!

But that said, i'm somewhat (not totally tho) different when it comes to interacting with people in real life. I can be a lot nicer, still opinionated, but with more patience, and there's more laughter and happiness than emotional outbursts. I mean i did even ask some friends if they'd run away from me, but they won't. Some claim i'm fun to be around with! 

Yikes! U know what this means! SOCIAL NETWORK is bad for me! As in bad for fuelling my negative side! I need to see people more! Human connection is actually healing! And not to mention vital! Uh oh. Does that mean i need to go back to work?!! I interacted with people more at work than i do at home! 

Oh no no no no. Maybe mula2 jer lar kot. Plus type of human exposure should also be in serious consideration. Who lar wants to be on dates/meet ups with people who are emo in real life kan? Guess same goes who lar nak baca tweets org emo jer memanjang! Ehehe. Yea that i can accept. And it's perfectly understandable.

So from now on, only happy posts from me! Telling the whole world that we're an ideal family and only great things happens to us! Ok. I can't do it. But what i can do is try minimize the negatives. Altho looking back, my outbursts are mostly based on opinions. They may seem harsh and sensitive, but the truth is mostly that sometimes.

Anyho, i'm now attending some private classes to further heal and strengthen my spiritual side. Which i think is nearly dead! So thank god for the guidance before it is my time. I learned that who you surround yourself with is very important as it will shape you as a person. So let's just say that im starting to widen (or maybe adjust) my circle of friends so that they will bring out the best in me and i to them. 

It's not easy. Change never is. But since we're all gonna leave this earth soon, might as well die trying to be a better person and at our very peak of iman, no? Ive had like "real" out of the fiction book experiences in my humble journey to change. I'm telling you, the devil can literally kacau/stop u in your tracks like physically! Ok not rasuk lar. But physical as in it can demotivate you to continue coz u rasa malas or make it such a way susah giler nak pergi! Astaghfirullah.

But again thankfully, islam is all about efforts and not results. If u somehow die along the way to mencari ilmu or getting closer to Allah by doing a good deed dah kira syahid in that path! Ok the degree not like mati syahid at war lar, but still! Syahid mencari ilmu or in jalan Allah! Better than going masa tgh marah anak or gaduh dgn spouse right? 

So 2013 in a nutshell have been a very blessed one. Despite with just hubs earning and us with one child, ya Allah rezeki kami sangat murah! And now He has blessed us with another child who ultimately it is He jugak yg jaminkan dia punyer rezeki! Subhanallah! And hubs's job is doing great too. His boss just got promoted as EXCO pemuda UMNO (barakallah nafiq! Rezeki org kahwin plak tu!) and Allah made it that hubs also dipromote skali! Alhamdulillah! But with higher power comes greater responsibilities. So he'll be busier lar. But again, He gave me another bub to be equipped with too! So i pun iA naik promoted jugak lar nanti! Hehehe. 

MasyaAllah. Apa sgt lar yg kita ni buatkan? Semua He bagi. Syukur. Emo emo jugak, but i'll try my best ( yea banyak kali ckp i know) to be emo in issues yg deserving. I mean if it knocks some sense into people and they lead a better life because of that harsh realization (and after setting aside their egos!), they jugak yg untung! I lagi tak rugi apa. So my topics of interest now are mostly around children, parenting and a lil bit of verrrrryyy general islamic knowledge. Sure my method can be further improved. I just need to check if i have the patience left for that. Esp online. Somehow talking face to face with a person patience tu came out of nowhere. Maybe sebab at home ive exhausted them to Yusuf and hubs. So i become a tiger to other people. Hehehe. But that's not an excuse. Mohon maafnya!

Tapi honestly, if i'm gonna bash someone like individually from now on, i'd message or tag their names in my posts. Bila yg general tu i realized, tiba2 org lain terasa padahal i dunno pun dia buat mcm tu ker apa. See? Social networks' limitations. 

Ok time to sleep uolls. Nanait.

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