Wednesday, October 16, 2013

We are 4!

Salam everyone! Hope it's not too late to wish everyone a blessed aidiladha.

As you know, this celebration has many meanings especially in commemeration of our prophet Ibrahim AS and his son's Ismail AS's sacrifice for Allah. It's a test of a father's love for a longing son, to see if his love for him exceeded the love for Allah. Coz in reality, this can easily happen to alot of parents. And the warning sent by Allah about it is every bit true. "Harta dan anak-anak are tests for you." So ada orang, banyak duit is their downfall, whereas others are their children. How many stories have we heard that parents will do anything for the kids including closing an eye on the immoral bad things they do? Banyak kan.

It is definitely a big reminder for me. I just have to keep it alive every now and then to prevent myself from getting carried away after having a child that my actions overlook my other real responsibilities as Allah's slave. InsyaAllah may i be steadfast on the righteous path. To make it our "sacrifice" this time, Yusuf was down with fever after his visit to his grandparents. Honestly, my challenge here is to withold every possible thing i could throw at them as blame. But it happened. And by the end of the day, it is still hubby and i that have to bersengkang mata and worry with agony of his health. Sigh. So am doing the whole redha thing. And refraining from pointing the obvious whenever someone tries to piss me off. Honestly, do not mess with a sleep-deprived, fatigued and a hormonal mom. Trust me, you'll never win.

Ok, sadness aside. Today also marks the 4th year of my marriage to hubs. Alhamdulillah! 4 tahun dah. And we managed to still be together, happy and loving. Despite the turmoils and downs that crops up every now and then, but am glad it did not make us fail to see the overall picture of how we really love each other. And we only have Allah to thank for that. 

As usual, it is mostly the wives that does this whole "my hubs is the greatest" post on facebook, twitter, instagram and not forgetting blogs. I mean since this post is about my anniversary as well, all the more reason to talk about him kan? Hehe. Well maybe not too much. As we all know rahsia rumahtangga should be just kept within, well duhh, the rumahtangga lar (home). The good and bad ones. And honestly, as much as i've learned this a long time, my propensity to share things about us, has been damaging. Sure it doesn't happen as often as how i first started, but still, being fault-free of this offense is not impossible. Cuma lemah ikut nafsu or not jer.

Although, i must have done something right growing up for Allah to answer my prayers when i was a naive young girl. I prayed for a soleh husband to guide me in the right path and that i will be his loving companion to make him happy. Either that, or the obvious fact that God loves me more than i do Him. And that He's ever so generous to give and give when in actual fact i may not have deserved it in the first place. But since He is the most generous and loving, one can't simply compare that to our humanly qualities or even question His power to simply do so. In fact, it's now a new test to see if I will appreciate the generosity given to me and take good care of it. instead of being cocky like I deserve it without effort or question. Spoilt brat big time namanya!

In my case tho, i've faltered more than once in appreciating this dedicated loving man in front of me. And most of it is because i'm in such a way spoilt by his love that i demand more of it or subconsciously tempt him out of it. Yes, stupid me. And no, this isn't a post to be humble or showcase my bad side (coz honestly i'm not really like that sangat ok!). Coz i can be annoyingly full of myself sometimes. But i vow not to all the time coz only a fool would think she's right, like all the time. And i certainly, wouldn't want to be teaching my son that! Being confident and standing up when doing the right things is honorable. But not if it's done with narcissism. Itu dah kena jumpa psychiatrist stat!

So yes, mr B, my husband who i soo dearly love. I thank God without fail for connecting you to live my life with me. You've taught me a lot of things, and only a blind person couldn't see the effect it had on me ever since i married you. A lot of men may talk the talk, but you certainly walked it. And i know too (despite being tegur many times), that whatever i do as a wife/person, reflects your leadership towards me. We can't deny, that as "individual" we think we can do things as wives, it will always, always reflect back onto the husband. Like when a wife badmouth people publicly, or shows lewd pics of herself with other men, it doesn't just show the wives' flaws, but the husband in question as well. In fact, some husbands change from the "i'm the boss" character to "you're the boss honey" after they're married. Thankfully, you're still my boss sayang! plus i've never liked the whole queen-control act thingy. it doesn't suit me at all! Tiger mom? more like it! haha.

So as much as i want to go to other people, "please, all that emo stuff being said is all me! None whatsoever from my husband! Please leave him out of this!" I know i can't. Coz what kind of a marriage that the couple only answers for their own individual mistakes? Without reflecting on the efficacy of the other partner's duties? Where's the so-called "we're in this together" motto? Only during good times? Nope. Sadly it doesn't work that way. Both will somehow reflect each other's lives. And not to mention answerable for them as well! As Allah had promised, He will only pair those who are similar (sekufu) and deserving to each other. A bad man will be paired with a bad woman. and vice versa. Same goes a so-so good man will be paired with a so-so good woman. So before we start complaing too much about how lancang mulut our wife is publicly, it only shows you had no balls to be a great leader to control her anyways. Or when you complain how lazy and inconsiderate your husband is, it was your decision to quickly fall prey into his pujuk rayu during dates to give in to be his wife pun. If you're a good person, you know He listens to you when you ask for a good partner. (if you ever made that doa before you got married lar). But if you both aren't to start with, the other blessing step is to both realize it and do something about it together. Like loving each other for Allah, not for each other is a good start.

Orang yg cakap ni pun sedar banyak kelemahan diri sendiri. And i pray that i will forever be in His good grace to always be reminded. Regardless how bad/hurtful the reminder can be, i'd rather take my chances with it here than in the grave or the hereafter anytime.

Alhamdulillah. Thank you to the Almighty for the wonderful 4 years it has been so far. And for the more positives than the teeny-weeny negatives. Biasalar, perempuan. Especially yg emo like me, benda kecik tu lar nak dibesar2kan. Ohh im soo not proud of that ok! And it's not an excuse even! Antara jihad terbesar for me! And thank you hubby, for being just awesome. For being you that memang i dah terpikat sebab itu i nak kat you pun! Hehehe. And im sorry coz i tak nak puji you lebih-lebih here, coz i'm jealous like that, nanti org syok kat u ker apa! Hahaha! Plus, i vow not to be caught up in the whole Generation-Y frenzy, to post everything beautiful and fancy on social medias about my life sbb nak orang semua tahu how happy we are. Cukup lar we jer yang tahu and that He is the most important to know our journey ni together. 

Plus, i know you don't like it either and you yourself don't favour these PDAs of us in your own social network accounts. Coz only i have the right to know and the most deserving, to get your treatment all to myself. :) This makes us different from the rest and i knoowwww how you like that about us! Ghuraba! hehe. So i'll try keep mine to a minimum lar ok! InsyaAllah. But i'm sure you might be different if you have a blog kot! Hahahaahaha. *joking!*

Also, this credit goes to you for you make an awesome partner in minding me when I'm pregnant. Say whaaatt??!! hehehe. Yeaaaa. That's right peeps, Yusuf is getting an adik insyaAllah! Ehehe. Do pray for our (baby and mommy's) safety and a smooth pregnancy and delivery process. Looking forward for another gentle birth God willing! Have to start flipping through that hypnobirthing book already! Hehe. More of that in next posts insyaAllah. 

All praise to Allah and never ending thank Yous. Praying for many years of blessings and happiness to this little family insyaAllah!

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