Oh well. It's one of those nights that i find it quite hard to settle in again. But dont worry. It's not because of any bugs or creatures to keep me awake. Thank god! Hehe.
Well Yusuf, you're fast asleep now. And i just love staring at you while you sleep. It reminds me of the very first time i did this when you were barely one day old. In the dark lit hospital room. My how you've grown baby! You might not know this, but i'm falling in love with you all over again. Every. Single. Day. And not to mention absolutely grateful to God for lending you to me and daddy to take care and love!
In fact, i wish to have more if He's gracious to give! Hehehe. Of course He is and so i should be doing the asking more often! But when the time is right of course and that only He knows when. ;) i'm just jotting this memory down because i don't want to forget it. And you'll get to read how emotional your mommy can be!
Ohmy! Im crying! Hahahaa! Happy tears of course! You're the inspiration for me to become who i am now. Did u know that? Well i'm telling you. You're the motivation for me to be a better person everyday. Everytime i want to do something, the thought of you and how it can affect you will come to mind. No doubt i will falter at some points, but you encourage me to keep trying. Without you needing to do anything! Great huh? I guess that's the God given miracles in babies. With you just being here, makes everyone love you without prejudice and judgement. People don't need to know you and already they love you. Therefore i truly believe, what's not to love about babies?! =)
Sadly, growing up seems to have feelings like remorse and hatred quietly seeping in together with the good stuff. It's nearly in all grown adults. I wonder if it's even possible in this current world to genuinely love and be loved by people. I guess nothing is without effort huh. In fact, our Prophet has done it. He has nothing but love for his ummah. i can feel that he loves us without even meeting us now Yusuf! And it's amazing how we can fall in love with him just by reading about him! Subhanallah! So in the end it can be done insyaAllah! i really don't have any excuse for not trying have i? ;P
So besides an emotional wreck that i can be sometimes, you're gonna know your mom can be quite the blabber-mouth! Hehe. Well like i always say, when you become a doctor, you have an official license to "membebel" to people! Hehehe. But yeah, i agree. I shud keep the emo-trippin (and bad bebels) in moderation. I mean it's ok to have emotions and be swept by them. But like everything else, too much of it is just bad for you. And i woudn't want you to end up like that sayang. So I am trying my best still.
I should go to sleep now. And stop pausing and kiss you while i'm writing this entry. Tapi nak buat macam mana! Mommy geram ok!!! ;P