Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Women: To Work or Not To Work?


Its been awhile since I last update my blog… well practically I didn’t really have that many interesting topic to write about… but then it hit me… maybe I could just ramble about what’s been going inside my head lately… and that controversial issue is… why do women have to work?!

Since ancient times, ok, maybe not that ancient lar.. but since the time of my, recently passed great grandmother, her role has not changed much by what is expected of a woman that time. She was a doting mother, a housewife, a cook, her own nurse at home, all in one. And doing all this without a fix pay mind you! I doubt if she ever gets paid at all! Her late husband was a police inspector, which was quite a lucrative job back then. Therefore maybe if she was paid, it was in gratitude for her hard work with some presents or dining out as appreciation. And they were doing just fine with that kind of life. Sure there weren’t any KLCC or pavilion to go to, so that means no coach outlet stores, or Bobbi browns either! This goes to show that there wasn’t a need for any of those to survive as well!

The same profession was (sort of) passed down to my late grandmother (yes, she passed away much earlier than her own mom due to haemorrhagic stroke). She was a loving wife to my grandpa, whom he spoke of very often of his memories shared with her, and a get-down-to business mother to her four, now-successful children. My memory of her was not that many, although I remember her as being a strict, not-taking any crap sort of woman where at the tender age of 5, I was forced to help her out at the kitchen and with the housework! I used to recall it as minor child abuse when I get angry sometimes, but nowadays, I appreciate it a lot! And if she was to push me harder, I swear I would have pioneered Malaysian’s Junior Masterchef program if it was ever to air back in the 80’s!!

But it was because of this teaching and being present with her children when they grew up, in my opinion, helped her children, my mommy included, at becoming the best at what they are. How exactly? By being there for them as often as possible. Providing the natural, inner aptitude mothers have at caring for their children during sick and in health, by incorporating precious, positive values that one possess, be it through one’s own religious teachings, passed down knowledge or self experiences. Who better to come to her child’s aid when he/she fell of a bike, and tell them it’s ok and try again until he/she can perfect it and someday become the world’s renown cyclist like Lance Armstrong? And who can assimilate that very same lesson by pointing out that that’s exactly what one must do when handling any life’s tribulations in future? When you fall, you get up and try and try again! Who else but you, as mothers to comfort them that they must make it on their own! And how about big questions like who is God and why do we have to pray to Him? Please do not answer me that a TEACHER can do all this for you. A teacher herself may have her own kids who she will pay most attention to, and now you expect the same person to give the same amount of affection and attention to 30 others?? Oh please!

If you believe that it is their responsibility to do so and argue that they should do it, you’re living in a fantasy world where you think everyone is ever so caring about other people as much as they love themselves. Sure that’s how it should be, but are you that type to start with? Can we expect that very same value from you if you’re given, let’s say your neighbour’s child to mind everyday? Even if you do have those respected qualities, how can you be certain and check that they will do what you do? With a cctv at school? No way. It is a well known fact that once you put your full trust on someone else to care and shape your kid’s personality, you are signing an invisible paper contract that she can subsequently embed her values into your child as well. Give it to a bad nut, and a bad nut you shall get. 

So what am I really saying here? First and foremost, before some of you decide to attack me with a frying pan or your personalized bread-maker, it is NOT to condemn anyone, particularly the working women/mothers out there. I myself am a working woman and no, I have not been blessed with a child of my own just yet. So these are just my opinions after doing careful research in medical outcomes of a neglected child, child growth, and also from the Islamic aspect of child development and its CERTAIN outcomes. After all, it is God who gave human beings the magnificent gift of procreation and children, therefore who better than He to tell us how to take care of them and to warn us the consequences of straying from His path (coz some of us think we’re better than Him!). 

Of course medical findings and studies are a tad millennium left behind when it comes to proving His words scientifically. Like breastfeeding for instance. You would believe (at least some of you, not all), that it is best to breasfteed a child up to 2 years of age. Benefits are numerous, and some of you are even tired of listening to the same consultation given by the medical practitioner about it, regardless it being the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. And believe it or not, this thing was mentioned in the Quran through our beloved prophet who I’m sure he wasn’t a scientist or a doctor to prove this miraculous health findings himself! But simply because he believed in God’s words.

I know that nowadays women’s priorities have changed. With such a demanding world we live in now, everything is on the get go. Everything are so-called must-haves instead of necessities. For example, we need money to go about to do just nearly everything these days. So it’s just a bit challenging if only one of the parents is working. Right? Wrong! Not necessarily. We are so into having to buy the latest handbags and have a car or even get the latest and trendiest clothes for our kids. But at the same time, we have to work to get those things. And yet we whine about the job that gives us the money that lets us achieve our wants??? How lar like that?!! Let’s face it, are we going to die without having those expensive perfumes and jewelry? Or how about those apple gadgets that we own? I mean, if you still want them, then go ahead! But try not to be selfish to your child and even yourself! Selfish to a child is for example, neglecting to be with him when he has problems at school because you were too busy working to get money to get those stuff that YOU want. And then you come charging at them for being a brat when they end up befriending the wrong kids. And stop being selfish to yourself how? By listening to your tired mind and body, and giving yourself a break if work gets too stressful and realizing that you can actually do without working and juggling kids at the same time. A wise person told me once, that you can never have the whole cake to yourself (or be perfect at both). One is always going to compromise the other. So what if you can’t have every single new season handbags from LV! In exchange, you would have a happier life, a happy family and most of all, no bosses to be taking orders from! (that would be me lar! ;P). 

If you don’t like that solution, there are many others! Here’s some that I could think of at the top of my head:
  • Still wants the wants, but need the money for it but hate the job = CHANGE JOB!!!
  • Still wants the wants, have lotsa money, and hate current job = QUIT JOB!!!
  • Still wants the wants, don’t have lotsa money, and don’t want a job = GET A RICH HUBBY!!!
  • Still wants the wants, and still not enough money and still hates job but couldn’t find another job suitable = REPEAT OPTION 1 TILL YOU’RE BORED THEN PROCEED TO OPTION 3 (IF YOU CAN FIND ONE WHO WOULD WANT TO STICK WITH SOMEONE WITH AN ATTITUDE LIKE YOURS!!)
Now my fellow ladies and mothers. Remember, I’m here only to share the frustrations with you. Well at least some of you. For I want to help us get back our rights as stress-free wives to our husband and mothers to our children. With just a little investment in our mental health and also our child, it will take away all those times spent taking EL just to send your sick kids to the clinic from frequent cough and colds, by giving them their deserved immunity with HUMAN milk and just by the mere presence of YOU being there for them (not your maid!). But nevertheless, opinions are still opinions. It is neither right nor wrong, but only to be made to suit each individual’s priorities.

And this message does not just go out to my ladies. Coz the guys better damn well realize how a lot more crystal clear their responsibilities are from now on. NO! it’s not just going to work and coming back home so you can start ordering a nasi goreng to your wife like in a mamak stall! Nor can you blame your child’s poor health status just because you put all the burden on your wife’s shoulders and at the same time you get to whine about paying all the bills and asking her to contribute financially! Are u serious?!!! *slaps forehead!* Regardless, whatever reasons it may come down to, it really depends on how you wish to raise your own family. Because in the end, it is you who will be questioned later on every single detail of your doing while you were alive and as the man of the house. Think that’s easy? Think again! So I ask ye my brothers!! Stand up and be a man!

I hoped that all of you after reading this, can find it in your heart and reflect on some of the things I have to say today. If it has a touched a nerve on anybody, do forgive me for my intention is only for the right reason. Which is to ease the dilemmas faced by a majority of working women out there with these suggestions. And expanding the minds just a little wider, of those who questions their fate. It is a reminder for me especially. And sharing is caring. For it is not in this life that the success counts. It is in the akhirat. But it is in this life that the efforts towards that success, count. So we must make full use of it to be amongst those listed in the list of “great women whose promised paradise”. InsyaAllah.

With this, i would like to share a clip that touched me deeply. and hope that we can reflect the message given.

Till then.

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