Friday, February 6, 2009


Salam and hola to all.

Friday, 6th Feb '09 at precisely 11.30am, putrajaya hospital.

I am sitting in a small room where i work and literally have nothing much to do. As i browse through facebook and kept editing my profile, i thought, what the heck... i want the world to know what i want to ramble from now on! Not just my stats and info details! but at least the substance or the inner-voice in me, if u would call it.

On the top of my mind right now has been a constant subject that has been given me torturing headaches and restless nights for months. I want to get married. (yeap! I'm considered taken.). of course, to some ppl, this topic or process (or ordeal some might say!) may be as simple as taking a candy from a baby. to others, we would be in the position of that crying baby struggling to get that candy back. I must say, i'm that baby right now. And my candy is a happy marriage and to love and live happily with future husband. So what's the problem? why is my candy stolen? more importantly, WHO is trying to take away my candy? as hard as it is for me to share this, but they are my parents.

Wait! dont get me wrong! this is not a place where i'm gonna brainwash all of you and bad-mouth my beloved parents! im here to share my journey of wanting to build my own home and choose a path that will involve another person just as important as my own family. And i also want to share how hard it is for me to convince a mother who finds it difficult to let go of her children. I am the eldest daughter thus making it wayyyy triple times harder than usual! I grew up in an environment of both parents working in the government sector. My dad is a pilot in the air force and my mom a specialist (in KKM). I've also been groomed on boy-girl relationship topics, differently from either of them. My dad would have the idea of a typical "who's the boss" in a marriage, whereas my mom.. well... honestly, hers would be "who's the lady-boss" in a marriage (please note, that "lady-boss" is a higher rank than just "boss"). So i learned and observed both ideas and see them merge in my daily family life. it seems to me that sometimes my dad's principle would overrule my mom's and vice-versa. I was at the time, a bit confuse back then as to which one to apply and adapt in my family next time. Are any of those methods the best to lead a family? questions, questions... Then I met him.

Him is currently my boyfriend but i prefer referring him as my husband-to-be. The difference is that from my past experience in dating or being courted, the boys (sadly not many of them i call men even tho there were some of my age), would only have a few things in their head. one of them is the verrryyy obvious, others would include showering me with sweet talks, compliments and gifts or the ideas of "which place shall we go to next so that we will be alone?". Again, dont get me wrong, some of us girls like all those stuff. u know. the 3 bases guys have and then its done and she's mine? yeah. we all now it alright. Well, thats why i'm not some of them girls. U see, i like to strike a conversation that would muster the genuinity of a man. His creative side or uniqueness. He doesnt have to be a scientist or a mathematician. I believe that his maturity would reflect on his fresh ideas or views on things. Be it a conversation about favourite music, love, or even polygamy. I've been told that i'm mature for my age. but i disagree it would be on all things. I do have flaws and my childish side. But for a man, to be able to go on frequent dates without wooing u all the time but instead have chats about plans to build a family with suitable environments for our future children, or discuss on the reasons why our health system is still crap, in which doctors fail to educate mothers properly to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, but they themselves are only allowed 2 months maternity leave?, is definitely a date worth while for me.

To cut the story short, let's just say I'm very happy to be with him. And i've reached the decision to be with him for as long as God Almighty allows me to be. The question is, what was this guy's flaw? what are his inadequacies? His physical looks? they're smashing to me! His job? He's a businessman. "But does he earn a lot?" some of u might ask. If u thought of this question, then you are no different than my parents, which is a normal thing. To answer this question, i would say "not yet". Truth be told, he is not filthy rich. Yet. And no, he doesn't drive a BMW, Mercedez Maybach or a Lexus SUV. Yet. I would say his income is adequate enough to maintain a living of a couple. Combining mine, we could raise 2 children comfortably. So obviously, I don't have a problem. Then who does? The future bride's parents of course! I understand that they love me so much that they want to ensure my future stability with him. And no doubt that if (God forbid!) that we somehow have a financial misfortune, they would not want to be the ones to say " We told you so!". I appreciate all that worrying and caring as I am their child. And I've definitely grown accustomed to how they think. But I also know that the future is not for anyone to predict or know. That would be like insulting God, as our brains are not matched to know the limitless of His powers! That's why as a muslim, we are not allowed to believe in "other powers" such as those to do with lucky numbers, lucky days, or signs (like breaking a mirror one will be doomed with 7 years of bad luck!). Why so? as you can see, those stuff are mostly design to make one scared, demotivated and become losers if they seem to know the future like when they are going to die. Life is too short for all those craps created by humans!

Anyways, i seem to stray from my topic quite often. hehe. To sum it all for now, an honourable thing such as marriage should not be purposely made to look difficult, cause at the end, it only brings unhappiness and anger by just discussing about it. Lesson learned: Don't be too controlling to your kids. They are not entirely ours to keep. But only lives trusted upon us to care and cherish, as gifts from God. Easier to claim but on the contrary, quite difficult to apply. Regardless, it's still our niah that matters. To future budding parents, here's your big GOOD LUCK and not to forget to start with His name, Bismillah... ;)

p/s: this post was published late due to unforeseen circumstances. but hope u all enjoy it nevertheless.

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