Houston, Docbamby is finally found!

Assalamualaikum!!!!

Amagaddddd!!!! wheeeeerrrreeeee have i beeennnn??? outer space or somethingggg??? hahahahah. honestly, I'm gonna blame it on my verrrrryyy old near obsolete macbook for not blogging!! hahaha!

Okay first and foremost i am verrrrryyyyy humbled and happy that people are STILL reading my blog after non-existent updates since i had Maryam! thanks a lot babes!!! i hope i have inspired some of you in whatever i preached or advocate in this blog of mine!

As some (or most!) of you have known, i am still enjoying my unpaid leave and this awesome status as a stay-at-home-mom! and despite staying at home, poooonn susah nak find time to squeeze an update or two! *terrible i know!* it's just that i have been updating mostly on instagram, twitter and Facebook (in that order).

So bila rant2 sana terus post and gaaaahh lupa nak retype or repost here. gotta start re-installing the blogger app in my phone coz i deleted it becoz it was crap!

so anywayssss, besides running around with these two....

i came across a new hobby that does not involve going out of the house, and can be done at my own time when the kids are asleep! and that is baking!!! wakakakakakaka! i know righhhhtttt?!!! soooooo Un-doctor-ish! hahahahaha! telling ppl to eat healthily is my job description and here i am... downright abusing it! worst! more like practising ajaran sesat! hahahah!

but honestly (dunno why i'm repeating this word its as if i keep lying or what!), it's the whole idea of measuring ingredients, mixing them together in concoctions, adjusting the temperature while it bakes and troubleshooting the whole process is what gets me excited! it's like i'm back in chemistry lab or something!! and when i can come up with stuff like this...

Tadaaaaaaa!!!!

Rosette Ombre cake! Chocolate filling with buttercream frosting!

Makes me soooooooooo happy!!!! literally over the mooonnnnn!!! okay i've never been outer space pon, but ok! its equivalent to doing my very own episiotomy repair!!!! errr ok. maybe not! euwww whaaatt?! alaaa u get what i mean lar riggghhtt! :P

so yea people! baking has got both my right and left brain working again! hahaha besides occupying them for the bubs! but it is definitely have been my stress release when i need my me time! 

other than that, another update that is just as important, if not much more! is that Maryam had just turn one on the 29th April! kejaaaap jer ok!! but she is definitely a person of her own! one of the  great rewards of being a mother to me is that i get to raise and be a part of the development of different individuals!! She is very sure of what she wants and don't want especially, coz she likes to do the whole geleng kepala thing (like a lot!), walked at 11months, falling on her head more than Yusuf ever did at this age (read more robust for a girl!), and can shake her bonbons naturally to music and do it waaaay better (and cooler!) than Yusuf can now! that's my girl!! hahahaha!

But the similar things i love and would not get tired of that happened during Yusuf, examples like the bizarre breastfeeding positions with taekwando air-kicks, clamouring all over me and sticking to me like a koala bear, and yes, mommy wins over daddy (or anyone) anytime! i love that little girl to bits!! looking forward to rock the whole "we have match-matchy shoes!" or "ooohh this hijab style is so youu!" moments! :P

As for Yusuf, still working on his hafazan. alhamdulillah dah byk sikit new surahs covered. but he now jumpa a new thing that he likes to watch. and that is uncle maher zain, raef and humood. hmmm.... nak tak nak have to monitor frequency of exposure. if knowing mommy dia ni haaa, mmg music can be distracting. so iA, i can only doa to keep going and istiqamah. siapa kata nak anak soleh/solehah tu senang again? *gulp*

that's roughly about it! went some places but yeaaa... maybe next time lar post as latergram kinda thing. boleh ker? haha! 

hmmm... funny kan when ur needed to summarise your life in the past absence but you can only come up with just this much. gotta wonder when we grow old, how much of our life can we summarise into. a one week, daily rant speech? or just a one-hour, two-hours tops, kinda chat to a stranger? *something to ponder when we face our daily life as to which things/actions are REAL priorities* #lifeisindeedshort #thislifeisshort #akhiratisforever #Allahisnumberonepriority  #dakwahitumesti #bolehplakbuathashtagkatblog #instagraminspired

So i leave u with some pics of my bakes. i'm not doing a "business" business, but hey, if you really wanna try them you're welcome to order and iA i would love to bake for you. coz you will help me retreat to my me-time often to enjoy! hehehe.

Fruitcake! 5.5 - 6 jam kukus wooo! 

Walnut carrot cake!

Simple chocolate buttercream cuppies!

Red velvet cake with cream cheese of course!

red velvet cuppies with oreos!

oooooohhhh! yummmss!

New York cheesecake!!

OK tido tido!
And as you can probably guess, yeap! i'm baking something right now!!! :P

My wealth...

wow wow wow!

Assalamualaikum everybodyyyy! *blows dust*

i keep telling myself nobody really reads my blog so much. so mcm tak kisah sgt nak update. but after a recent comment from this hamba Allah, it motivated me to try and find the time to at least write out something than leaving it to collect more dust, so to speak. Thank you by the way, i hope you know who you are. May He bless you greatly for being so sweet.

So it's 2015 already. and Alhamdulillah to start the year, i've been blessed with a milestone that i think surpasses other achievements i've experienced thus far. or maybe at the same level as some.

Alhamdulillah, Yusuf has already hafal all of Juz Amma! And if nak sgt letak date, well i decided to test him on my birthday last month! hehe. This is happening concurrently with some of the other hafazan of surahs in the quran. so for now he dah tahu:

• Al-Mulk
• Al-Waqiah
• An-Najm
• Al Mudatthir
• Ar-Rahman

And now tengah rehearsing surah Luqman, Al-qiyamah and Al-Haqqah. please note that sometimes he would get confuse with certain verses if they happen to sound the same. but i pon honestly tak tahu nak cakap he "hafal" or "baca" these surahs. As for the juz amma, he can do both. so what i do is to hold the quran in front of me (yes yes mak dia tak hafal lar surah2 ni lagi kaaan), and wud ask him to recite the surah in front of me without looking at his quran. so InsyaAllah safe to say, the above surahs he memang dah hafal and baca.

Alhamdulillah. Indeed there is no power or strength except that is with Allah.

And like every other "uncommon" parents, my hubs and I both decide not to celebrate birthdays as big in our family. In fact we don't celebrate at all. instead, we would like to celebrate on achievements based on what we deem worthy with our plans. And Allah is the Master Planner. So achievements, of course, is not limited to be celebrated once a year. If yusuf or maryam meets the required number of achievements or goals set  by us in that year, say more than twice, then so be it. insyaAllah, ada rezeki memang buat lar celebration yg we all mampu for them. we choose to be uncommon. not boring. heh.

I also learnt something valuable about kids. firstly, i had to be really patient lar when it comes to relenting to Yusuf's request for a machine gun, yang upgraded (read mahal) version (not the RM5 daiso ones which he already have 3). u know, as an accomplishment prezie. dia tak mintak pon. nor did i make it a deal that if he completed them, he will get a present. tapi, after tak sampai seminggu main, rosakkkk!!!! fooooohhh! fooooohhh! Daiso yg murah tu jugak yang tahan lama! and he wasn't even upset! i was! he just happily went like "oooohhh dah rosak!" and went to pick up the old rifle and start shooting! 

So mots for me, anak2 ni memang not born with materialistic attitudes. it's the mak bapak yang ajar. He didn't care that the expensive ones needed to be handled with care more than the cheap ones. yang he tahu is to just play. patut mahal lagi lar tahan lasak kan? sheeesh. i feel like i've been conned! but that's the beauty in the innocence and purity of a child. they tak kisah pon you kasi presents mahal or murah. they're just happy enough to even get! why we as parents fall prey to buying expensive ones instead of so called cheap stuff as gifts? or rasa if beli yang murah equates to tak sayang banyak compare beli yang mahal2? sebab orang2 lain yg sibuk ni akan comment "laaa ini jer you bagi anak you for your birthday?? you're like what... a doctor koooot!! kedekut gilerrrr!"

Padahal, mak yang you judge kedekut tu ada principles on raising her child. ye memang she ada banyak duit. tapi dia choose to "kaya"-kan anak2 dia dengan akhlak you tak kisah plak kan? in fact ada orang tahu Yusuf can read surah2 ni pon ada jer parents don't even bat an eyelid coz, well, not impressed lar. well to each their own. level of wealth. even the term wealth gives 1001 meanings to everyone of us. despite it being different, do know that it is YOU who to put the worth and value to your own term of wealth.

As for me, i try to seek Allah's standards as much as i can. After all, all this, that He has blessed me with: the knowledge, the ilham, and the success to follow through with plans, everything! is from Him and Him alone. So yeah. obviously He has my full attention for me to please than anyone else.

So ok. till then! terpanjang plak! hahaha. if tak terbebel tu bukan docbamby namanya!

Do make doa for my family if we ever cross your mind and land a spot on your soft, loving heart for it. 

Goodnight!

My "wealth" indeed. Thank You Allah!

yeaaaaaa! this one tooooo!!! the brains behind our family's plans! :P

1 day toilet training success insyaAllah!

Salam!

I just want to say in this short entry that one of the simple joys in life as a mother is to able to toilet train their kid! and alhamdulillah! Yusuf is officially 2 years 9 months today and managed to toilet train him yesterday!

Hope i haven't spoke too soon because ini baru hari kedua and he seemed to gotten the hang of it! of course after 4 "accidents" inside the house and one outside the first day, but he then proudly tell me he needs to shee shee and did it INSIDE the toilet!!! and you can imagine how ecstatic i was!!! terlompat2 sambil duking maryam! hahahaha.

I admit i stopped training him the first time a few months back coz Maryam baru keluar and i was adjusting to handling two bubbas, not to mention facing Yusuf's jealous streaks at times during the first months. so cleaning up after his accidental mess was just too much for me to handle without nearly breaking down on him. of course, i refuse to allow that to happen and end up break down lat hubby instead. hehehe. kesian lar he became my punching bag. and yeah, was pretty lazy to do all that as well lar kan!

It was hubs yg consoled me and said not to force yusuf and just go with the flow when he's ready. so  i did.

So now since maryam dah 6 months plus and i'm able to have sorta a routine schedule in managing them both, i decided to have a go again. so i came across this method of 3-day successful potty training. altho i didn't use a potty lar. And subhanallah, he got the hang of it on day 1! so far today no accidents yet and i'm not confident to try it thru naps and bedtime so i put on the nappies time tu jer. Am now really hoping it will be a 100% growing up milestone achievement from now onwards insyaAllah! semoga istiqamah! hehe.

The method involves having him naked from the waist down. so i would tell him excitedly that is a "no diaper day" today! of course lots of advice and encouragements are given as well. Alhamdulillah the trick to handling Yusuf is really just talking to him and explaining to him how i would to an adult. At least that is how i will continue raising my kids. and it works for me alhamdulillah.

oh, and today jugak he learnt to cycle the bike! still struggling a bit to maintain consistency sbb tak biasa, but am thrill! These may be little2 stuff but boy, am i grateful to see new achievements daily!

Thank You ever so much ya Allah!

As for the toilet training thingy, semoga i istiqamah! I've been warned to expect more accidents. let's just hope i'm strong enough to handle them!

Till then peeps! gotta uncheck the next thing in my to-do list before the bubbas wake up from their naps!

My Quranic miracle...

Salam and good day everyone.

Bismillah.

To write this up has not been easy for me, for i kept holding back and have been having ongoing discussions about it with hubs. As much as i can see the possible benefits of sharing something good, it is in my nature of thinking negatively of some people who would see it in an ill-mannered form. senang citer i pun bersangka buruk lar kat depa and vice versa. but i must admit that this is in fact a blessing and a miracle that i should not keep from other people. for it would definitely benefit me more as my investment in the akhira, for which that is better for me.

Speaking of miracles, we must all agree that nothing can even come close to the miracle that is the Quran. From its content, language and historic events of its descend on earth to us. All of it are amazing masyaAllah. As a mother, who only wants what's best for her children, i have made it a personal goal that i want them to be amongst the best in Allah's eyes insyaAllah.

So what do i know? How do i even begin? The only method i'm aware of and is currently doing, is to do the opposite of how i was brought up in areas that i think can be much further improved in myself. This thinking of course is very much tailored individually for only you would know what is best for you based on the knowledge you have gathered and exposed yourself with. So i would want my kids to be as if, if Rasulullah saw is still alive with us today, they would be his companions whom he would cherish.

MasyaAllah. Big dreams i know. But hey, just because it doesn't sound worldly enough like wanting Yusuf to be an astronaut or Maryam as a nuclear scientist, that doesn't mean it's not valid. And I believe it is very much achievable. How? you guessed it. with lots and lots and lots and lots of tears, sweat and sleepless nights. But just as you are motivated in doing something you love, this is me. In doing what i love. and it's a new found love indeed!

We are 5!

Salam everybodyyyy!!!

*krik krik krik* *crickets chirping in background*

okay okay. i've been AWOL for quite sometime. i honestly dunno what reasons to give. but that's just it. it's all excuses! haha. and of course been verrrrry busy. *ehem*

I just celebrated my 5th anniversary recently. who knew eh? open close open close eyes dah 5 tahun! and it's as tho it is literally that long! only a blink of an eye!

Anyways, like most couples, we are truly blessed we have gotten this far and at where we are today. I'm truly grateful for the blessings He has bestowed in our little family! Marriage is indeed an investment worth paying attention to for the rewards of a successful akhira. and as He had intended, being parents constitute a big part of our marriage. i'm extremely grateful of how He has guided us in it. For i definitely see His miracles in this everyday!

So i thank You countlessly Ya Allah, for our partnership here in this world. You indeed know what is best for me. and may it be Your mercy and love that we end up together in Your Jannah, amongst the chosen ones who would do just about ANYTHING for You and You alone. InsyaAllah.

La hawla wala quwwata illah billah.

There is no power or might except with Allah.

True indeed.

Ada big mirror, apa lagi kegunaannya kaaan?

and look who decides to join us. He mmg pantang nampak mommy
and daddy manja2 dua orang!

Now he's just being cheeky.

Our girlie selfie Maryam honey!

and we won't stop.... supporting our Palestinian brothers and sisters!

Now it wouldn't be an anniversary post without a pantun right?

Sayang, sayang aduhai sayang,

Sayang yang legal sudah 5 tahun,

Perutmu sudahku boroikan abang,

Supaya yang lain tak nak pandang pun!
So you're stuck with me, and me alone!

Gendang gendut tali kecapi,

Cik abangku gendut, saya tetap happy!
hehehe!

Eh! asyik pantun pasal perut jerrr! hahaha. ok. saving the best one for last! Impromptu poem ready? set? gooo!

5 years of marriage, 

5 years have passed,

5 years we paid homage

To the One who made it last.

It's been 5 years of knowledge,

Of us and of Him,

It's also 5 years of privilege,

To get us closer to Him.

In 5 years we became 4,

And as fours, we love only one.

It's from that One, that we are 4,

Coz without Him, we are none.

Thank You Allah for our 5,

May we continuously live in sunnah,

to love each other we strive,

and be the best of our Rasul's ummah.

For it is our very own pursuit of Jannah.

I love you, ya habibi.

Dear baby girl...

Salam my dearest Maryam.

You're only about to enter the 3rd month of your life here on earth. and so many things have happened around you, be it good or bad. As of right now, these are the things that have been taking over my timeline:

1. Final nights of Ramadhan

2. Gaza under attack

3. ANOTHER MAS tragedy

Not in timeline:

4. Your first trip overseas. Singapore still counts sayang.

5. Uncle Farid got engaged

And that doesn't include the transition of your beloved brother Yusuf to becoming the now-accepting and loving brother to you. I'm glad coz i don't think i can handle anymore of his jealous streaks and tantrums before. i know you're loving his smothering and kisses right?

Well as much as the happiness and rizq was blessed to our family, i can't help getting over the fact that news like 2 and 3 can really get my mood down. Not to mention the anger to some @%@# people reacting to the whole thing. So here's what i can teach you from my humble experience about the world.

You see, we cannot avoid not interacting with other people, or live in a cocoon to prevent the news of the outside world to not affect us. Its useless to even try. It might not affect us directly, but nevertheless we would still feel them. get emotional about them. the best way to handle it is to tolerate. If you can tolerate people, or a situation well, you will not suffer greatly. Of course tolerance has its limits. There are times where you must know when to stand up against something too. Hopefully i will be at my best to show you how it is done sayangs.

To know the palestinians's bravery to set their foot down and stand up against tyranny by staying put to their OWN country (mind you!), is just amazing. The kind of bravery worthy of jannah in a split second. Here i am getting really upset (stock nanges meroyan punyer!) seeing photos of children in blood and men and women not in one piece, just because "some people" don't have a home and find it ok to kill other people's to call their own! pfftt!!! But daddy said to me, while calming me down, that they know what they're in for. and they're more than happy to die defending their own country knowing they'll be meeting Allah and head straight for jannah! For all you know, the minute they were bomb or shot to death, their souls departed, and seeing what's waiting for this mujahids, they'll be like "wow!! this is great! i'm finally here! hey people! you are all missing this! this is waaaaayy better than what's down there on earth!"

Subhanallah! Allahu akbar! To know there's a group of them with spirits praying to be syahadahs on their mission defending palestine, is just too awesome for me. i'm literally in awe and full of tears. Like right now. I had to stop typing because to imagine them willing to do this with such honour and bravery, it transgresses anything that defines courage to me. They are indeed the chosen ones, those palestinians cayang. May Allah bless us the same reward in whatever we can do here with our lives. insyaAllah.

Got to go honey. too emotional to go on blogging. my waterworks' pretty hard!

Our Birth Plan for Maryam

Salam everyone!

Do excuse me for it took awhile for me to update. Had to settle Maryam's aqiqah and also adjusting to handling 2 kids. A new thrill i must admit! hehe.

Alhamdulillah, thank you for your doas, well wishes and kind words regarding my experience in delivering Maryam. it was great to share it with you and may it benefit you to goodness insyaAllah!

So here's to some of your requests who wished to know our birth plan for Maryam's delivery. Kindly take note that i have modified this based on Yusuf's to better suit my needs as i now know what to expect with experience and after more reading. I strongly advise against just copying without knowing. Why? Coz if you're not sure of what YOU want, should a turn of events happened on your big day, you would easily panicked if the doctor coerce you into something that you are not familiar with and not in your birth plan. This might result in consequences that you will regret later from the lack of proper knowledge and the absence of confidence that comes with that knowledge. nauzubillah.

It is true, we are supposedly to be in control more with our own baby's birth. But please do so with ilmu and an open, heart-to-heart discussion with your gynae. As a medical doctor myself, i strongly believe in doing things with adequate knowledge and proper planning. It is with these, can one be confident and calm with one's decision, in any circumstances. Coz that is what this whole hypnobirthing is about right? To birth with confidence and with calmness. These of course coupled with constant doas and prayers for His blessings and help.

So with bismillah, here is our birth plan:

I had another natural birth!

Salam and good day everybody!

Well well well!! It's that time again! I gave birth! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!! 

So let's get crackin with the birth story shall we?

As an avid hypnobirthing student, we ( yeap hubs and i) were determined to have another natural birth of our baby. But the drawback this time was my previous gynae wouldn't allow me to have a birth plan as extensive as before because of the incident where a medical counsellor succumbed to homebirth from complications.

"But even if i deliver kat hospital? I bukan nak buat kat rumah boss!"

"Sorry fatin. But i can only let you go as far the last time. Come in for appointment and i will explain."

Heartbroken and to cut the story short, i tak jadi pergi lar appointment dia kan. We had to resort to searching for a gynae that would support this birth plan of ours for a natural birth. And we stumbled and decided on Dr Idora from Pantai Bangsar. And i must say during follow ups, the vibes and cooperation we got from her has been awesome. She scanned through our birth plan and just said "Ok! No problem!" Alhamdulillah! Nnt iA i put a post khas for her jer lar ok! Hehehe.

So fast forward to 29th April. I was awakened by a sudden urge to go poo-poo. But when i did go, nothing happened. So ok. The peculiar thing about it was i couldn't find myself standing too long coz i felt "heavy" down there. It was unusual coz it kinda came on and off and i had to sit down to let it pass. I thought it could be braxton hicks coz it was pretty mild. Hubs noticed this but head to work anyways knowing it could be a false alarm. Yusuf was still sleeping, so i decided to make some breakfast first. Even then i started feeling it during memasak tu. But somehow i carried on and yusuf woke up just in time to eat them.

So after eating, i decided to do the usual which is to shower and bathe yusuf as well. Since the sensation is still there, I decided to time it. And guess what, the pattern fits the 511 code!! (One surge lasting 5 mins for 1 hour). But the difference was that it felt more like mengeras, not like the pretty obvious surges i felt masa Yusuf dulu and there was no show too. I whatsapped hubs telling him about it and siap emailed my contraction tracker. And he was like "wow! I should head home right?" At that point i didn't really know what to answer coz i worry it would be a false alarm coz tak berapa sakit and kesian if cuti dia wasted. BOLEH TAKK??!!

Anyways he got home another hour later and i got yusuf ready. This time is about nearly 11am and i sempat did solat Dhuha to ask for His blessings. I waited at home sitting on one of the birth balls i have (i got 2 of diff sizes btw!) as it provides me comfort coz I'm pretty used to using them. In the car, nearing the hosp, the sensation got slightly intense so i thot haaa ok jugaklar pergi hospital ni. We arrived in the labour room about 12pm, but sampai jer for initial assessment, the thing mcm slowly dissappeared and the nurse mcm tak convince i was in labour so they didn't alert the doctor in case CTG showed no active signs and i could be discharged back home. I pun was calmly talking to the nurse and they macam tak rasa i was having labour pain. Plus, initially i refused VE (vaginal examination), but after realizing i could be sent back i might as well know if my os is open or not lar kan. I just dont like them VEs!!!

Chronicles of Naa!

I guess i must be quite desperate to admit to be doing this. I finally gave in to the method of "tricking" Yusuf to stop breastfeeding. What he would call "Naa".

At first i was going with the "explaining" method, which has cut down his frequency to just nap time and for sleep. I told him that his time for naa is up for Allah only said it is for 2 years since birth. And since yesterday he turned 2 years 2 months, and that the baby is on the way, i didn't see any improvement of total surrender, thus made me decided (with a heavy heart!) to resort to this idea.

Trust me, the look on his face when i smeared coffee paste on them naas. It must have tasted horrible for he was disgusted! And then he innocently asked me "adik? Adik?" "Yes sayang, it is now for adik. U don't like it?" "Tutup. Tutup." sambil pulling down my top to cover me. Then he bent down to my tummy and kissed it while calling out "adik!"

Waaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! I yang sedih! I yang nanges!!! Honestly i am the one that finds it hard to part with him from suckling! He tried to distract himself by doing something else but at times he would ask me "naa?" And when i showed it and he saw the coffee paste, he said "dirty! Dirty! No naa. Tutup. Tutup." Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Of course it took him a long while to soothe himself to sleep coz of the sudden "loss" of comfort source. Most of the time he would look lost, doing things just to fill his time or prolong it so that he will tire himself to sleep. Then  there was this one incident where he would throw a tantrum so bad that nothing is soothing him! And he has never cried that frantically! To which i surrendered and gave him. And he calmed down and slept immediately. It's like seeing someone who is having smoking withdrawal symptoms! Tak tentu arah betul! Dasyhat!!!

Mana taknyer. Naa was EVERYTHING to him since he came out to this world. And i mean EVERYTHING. Nak tido naa. Lapar naa. Baring manja2 naa. During our holiday trip to London last year was an obvious example. He was enjoying himself simply because he was carried around in the jumpsac carrier MOST of the time with me and his face was just inches away from my boobs. So technically that's like freeflow starbucks if you must! Nak jer, bukak and feed. While walking, on the tube, during my meals. Like anytime, anywhere!

False alarms!

Salam everybody!

Last week thursday morning, i was surprised with strong Braxton Hicks! i actually thought, "oh wow! is the baby coming already?" I guess you can tell i was pretty nervous this time! Coz if ikut EDD (not that i ikut lar kan), it will be about 20 days earlier. Plus, my gynae was away on a holiday that week! Had to somehow pujuk baby if she really think it's time and best to come out without our gynae around. But then i realized, we needed God more than our gynae lar kan. She had told me she will have a replacement colleague to cover for her should i be in labour then. Whatever it is, it is His help and blessings that we want on the big day. If He says it's better without my gynae around but with a replacement, mesti lar ok jugak kan? End up mesti yakin with His decision after the countless doas and berserah to Him for the best outcome. So i started to calm down and re-explained to baby that it is ok either way. And that we (mommy, daddy and abang Yusuf) will be ready for her regardless. It made me feel a lot better and i actually got excited!

But somehow, the false surges subsided by evening. phew! hehe. so it wasn't that day after all! bukan apa. Masa tu lar start thinking about my baby bag and that it was not completely ready. But now it is, thanks to baby! hehe you got daddy to do most of the packing plak tu! Clever girllll help mommy! heheheeh!

Anyways, went for my check up last Wednesday and was told baby is doing great in there! And i also informed my gynae regarding the thursday incident and she told me she actually cancelled her trip to Istanbul! simply because she had quite a number of mommies delivering that week and it didn't feel right for her to leave them to another doctor. Talk about dedication! Awesome ok! and still a blessing for us coz maybe she would have been too busy to attend to us ker kan? hehehe. Alhamdulillah. Whatever happened, it has happened for the best. This has got to be the millionth time to remind me that I am in no control whatsoever of my situations and that Allah ALWAYS KNOWS BEST! haih nak kena smack on the face banyak2 kali whenever i start stressing out or worry excessively about the future! degil betul!

So doc said her head is already engaged so it's gonna be anytime soon. But she still gave me 2 weeks appointment should  baby decides to be cozy in there for a little while more. Mommy ok jer k! heheehe.

Till then peeps! Don't forget me in your doas if i happen to be in your thoughts! i pun nak kena maximize my "preggy-mom-doas" sementara belom beranak lagi ni! Kan doa ibu mengandung mustajab? hehe. insyaAllah i will include most of you that i know! It's been advised to not be kedekut to make doa for other people, coz it will have a ping-pong/boomerang effect back at you! And yang paling best is that His mercy for you yang rajin doakan orang lain, will increase! siapa tak nak kannn?! I nak!!! ;) 

Misfortune March :(

Dearest Yusuf and adik,

i realized if i were to make a post directly to both of you it will be less dramatic and emotional. but instead be full of love and care to explain of the recent misfortune that happened to our country. And a bit to myself. Who else better to talk to than you guys eh? *kiss*

Everyone in Malaysia, and partly the whole world, is aware of the missing MAS plane MH370, 5 days ago. Yes, its been 5 days babies. The plane just miraculously disappeared off radar while en route to Beijing, and it has been quiet ever since. Our country's search and rescue team and some volunteers from other countries are all out there looking for this plane. Mommy can only pray and hope for the best that Allah will bestow His mercy onto this misfortune that He has allowed to happen. My heart and doa goes to the family of the passengers and crew involved.

Altho i was going to write about my frustration of some people's reactions to the whole thing, all i know is that it will be futile. Coz basically they are nasty sayang. And sadly the world has quite a lot of them nasty peeps. And mommy's assumption on why they are so, is because their mommies didn't love them enough. Esp during growing up. Im pretty convinced. Only people without good mothering will have that amount of bad-mouthing and atrocious attitude. It really does show.

Speaking of which, i've been having my fair share of tests lately on parenting as well. With the haze happening, mommy fell sick. And so are you Yusuf. So it's been 3 consecutive nights where you couldn't sleep peacefully from your cough and being all restless. Honestly at times i felt like losing it but i had to hold it in and just cried helplessly instead. Coz i know u must be soo uncomfortable and it's definitely not your fault. And i just happen to be sooooo tired sayang. So much so i nearly passed out one day in the toilet. Had to be from the lack of sleep and extreme fatigue. Not to mention the viral infection going on. But alhamdulillah so far still ok and adik, masyaAllah, you are strong baby! Allah is definitely the best to watch over u! And i'm so grateful for that! Coz i know you can feel all the internalized negative emotions i'm feeling. May it not affect you permanently sayang. Do excuse mommy.

I can really now say that being a mom, beats being a wife anytime. Everyone will need a mother. Not all will need a wife. I should know coz u both, esp abang Yusuf now is showing how much he really needs me. Nobody can replace me. not even daddy. So i should also come to terms that as a married adult, we also need our mommies sometimes. So am gonna trade this negative feeling of how things are thrown to me lately simply because someone needs his mother. Gonna try my best not to care so much iA.

I can only wish that all moms out there, whether working or staying at home, to please strive to give good mothering and parenting to your kids. The amount of time u have with them may differ but what's important is we try to shower them with love and care, the best way we can by Allah's standards. Coz I've seen the product of children raised by a sore mom. As much as these kids try to outgrow or remove the malice being directly/indirectly shown to raise them, sadly they will never obliterate the bad habit completely. It will always be a part of them. As if imprinted in their genes.

Trust me when i say that is true. They can try to change or read up every parenting book and tips when they become parents themselves. but at the time when they are vulnerable, that's when you see his/her mother and father's characters break through. So if bad examples were being taught, that's exactly what will come out. It's freakin scary, and worst is when you think they will be different from their parents. But they can't. I guess it's trying to tell us that raising children is not a piece of cake. So i can only vow and strive to not be that selfish to you both. By letting my flaws pour out whenever i feel like it. 

Coz Yusuf, i pray for you to be a great man and husband and father to your family. And adik, i pray for you to be a great wife and mother to your family too. It's been said that only our prophet and his sahabat were great husbands to their wives. But in order to get that kind of man, the wife must be of khadijah's or aisha's trait as well. It is only fair i guess. Even tho i'm nowhere near, as a mother i can only pray for His kindness to bestow that blessing for the both of you.

So i'm happy to be a mother. Coz i know as a person, i have the most say to how things go in terms of raising you. No other human beings like your aunties, uncles, grandparents or even daddy can overtake me in terms of being responsible for you. Not as long as He says i'm still around. So i will face anyone who tries to challenge my god-given authority head on. And may they be stricken with shame whenever they try to coz they know they have never, or will ever, come close to how i'm doing my job.

In view of all things that are happening now, i don't know if it will get worst or better. But whatever it is, i'm somewhat content about it coz i know this life is not permanent in the first place. So i'm not gonna worry myself sick if im not 100% happy here. Coz we're not meant to. The final resting place is set. And there, we're promised everlasting happiness and immeasureable pleasure way beyond anything that can be given in this life. And not to mention stress-free! May we be amongst those destined and worthy for jannah my babies. InsyaAllah. 

Forever grateful to have you both, 

Mommy. 

Preggy fancies!

Salam uolls!

Just thought i'd update a bit of my lil antics during my pregnancy this time.

Remember i mentioned that i was into home decor and stuff that involves cleaning or arranging the home? well, apparently i think it just catapulted now that im entering 3rd trimester! suddenly am so obsessed into browsing online home decor ideas and shops from instagrams! nak pengsan ok!

Nak cakap nesting, macam awal sangat. plus not sure if filling up my kitchen with vintage jars and canisters is considered part of nesting?! hehehe.

But am seriously loving anything that looks cute, neat and makes stuff in my mini cluttered home ni teratur! Lately i managed to get my hands on those acrylic drawers that i've been wanting to get since last year but gave myself a thousand and one reasons not to because i bukannya banyak make up and stuff. tapi after, yes, a spring cleaning of my own, i realize these stuff o mine needs a nice comfy home!

went to MUJI but was told it was out of stock and had to wait a few weeks. even browsed online for online sellers but somehow tu pun boleh out of stock. but when i did get a call from MUJI they have arrived, apa lagi! sanggup drag hubs to just buy! hehehe. and then mula lar nampak benda-benda lain yang best kat situ and wishing i could buy all! adoi nafsu. nasib hubs ada.

Now i tgh obsess with canisters. and even tho the ones i have to store my teas, coffees and other stuff are from tupperware, somehow nampak tak berapa comels and tak seragam. boleh taaaakk??!!! i even feel like giving my tupperware away, just so i can have alasan to replace them with these new canisters i'm eyeing. sad! hehe. 

So i think i'm gonna put up pics lar to show what my faves are at the moment. mana tahu, kot-kot ada orang nak bagi belated birthday present ka, or early mommy of 2nd baby present ka?! LOL. i'm kidding honestly. but who knows, you pun might like to invest in some! if tahu more options do share with me ok?

My humble organizer! as you can see i tak banyak make up. hehe.

Gaaaahh! how cute are these? boleh letak salt, kunyit and whatever!
pic from pink_vintage_home IG.

And this one can put tepung or sugar! Sweeet!
pic from pink_vintage_home.

This makes me wanna organize my own tea party! tapi bake pun tak pandai!

The canisters i was telling you about! tp ada yang ada designs cute2! 

Like these ones would be coool!

Aside from kitchen stuff, bedsheet ni pun i wud love to naaakk! hehe.

Adoi. cannot lar like this. ni post melayan nafsu namanyer! tapi setakat admiring lar. if baby comes out maybe he/she will be an awesome interior designer kot??!! which mommy wouldn't mind one bit!

As for the affinity for wangi-wangi stuff, yeap! it has come! now with the draught happening in KL and the fact that i can actually smell it, asyik nak pasang jer lampe berger oil i tu. My fave scent is the one with a pomegranate picture on it. sedapppp!

Ok that's all for now. better stop before i start to put posts on handbags, shoes or pandoras! thankfully for now takder plak nak ke situ. phewww!

I am 2!

Whoever says you can write anything you want without consequences is obviously lying. 

I have drafted a post prior to this one, and actually published it. But after deliberating with hubs, it is wise not to publish it right this moment. Simply because we agree i won't be mentally ready to face the consequences that will arise from my forwardness and truth. Sad but that's the reality for me.

So i decided to just write one of motivating and inspiring in nature. And who else than my own child(ren) as one of the sources (besides my husband of course!). 

Alhmdulillah Yusuf has turned 2 with His Grace and Mercy yesterday. As much as he himself is learning growing up, i too have learned growing as a person and further improving and understanding my role as a mother. And yes, that makes me also turned 2 years of having the title mommy!

As for milestones and achievements, i'm not big in sharing. Or maybe i just don't know where to begin! Hehehe. But alhamdulillah, it has been fun and impressive, all with His permission. As for me, i have definitely learned a lot in this past 2 years.

I notice i move a lot more. As in taking actions and doing, rather than simply mouthing them out. This is because i realized that to raise a well mannered, good-natured, and even a God-fearing protege or human being is by doing it yourself first and setting the examples. So it has to be ingrained in me in order for it to be natural for my kids. It is definitely not easy coz we are so used to telling people the good and right things to do, but hardly do it ourselves. In malay we call it "cakap tak serupa bikin." It's a long word for hypocrisy really.

I admit, i myself can't avoid from being one 100%, but nevertheless i have to try. And if i falter, i have to admit and explain my flaws to them. And keep practicing to improve on it. Rather than being in denial and go "i'm always right" about it just because i'm a mother. Some would call this a sacrifice, coz technically, anything difficult to do out of our habits are considered sacrificing. I'm gonna be frank that that is full of BS. If you grew up wrongly and that makes you the way you are, you're just messed up. It's better to admit it soon coz then it will open doors for you to unlearn and relearn stuff. If not, then yea, you'll be stuck in denial all your life telling yourself you're a good mom and won't change anything at all. Whatever. As long as you can sleep well at night, then it's ok i guess.

Within this 2 years, i have also learned to speak out more on what i think is right for my child. I have grown out of my shell to not be timid or submissive to the intimidation of elders or other senior moms on certain parenting ways by coming out strong of my own and be adamant about it. I realized i have to do this coz i want my children to know how it is to fight for their rights and at the same time in tune with Allah's blessings. I want them to be bold and brave but at the same time can be also condescending and polite, depending on who and what type of person they are dealing with. I want them to naturally be ok to disagree with people of different opinions but still maintain ukhuwah and professionalism. Yang penting conscience is clear and not bertentangan to islamic values.

Tough? You bet! Mana taknyer. I wasn't even raised that way! Theoretically it has been taught lar. But to actually see it done live? Belom i'm afraid. Ive seen fights, break ups, masam2 muka all because tak berani nak cakap how they feel, and somehow talking or scowling behind the person's back seems more convenient. Albeit unfulfilling tho. Coz they still end up stressed jugak. Yeaa, a very mature adult move right there. 

Why? Simply because a lot of us are afraid of confrontations. We assume any disagreements as a means of fights and dislikes. Honestly tak wujud pun orang yang ok jer with everything. But apparently saying "no thank you, i'd like to stick to my way" is somehow evil and frowned upon. Pfft. We prefer to take advantage on nice people by being mean and harsh to them, but to actual intruders, we rather swallow it and be polite. Tapi depan jer, belakang mengata. Worst, with some, sanggup unfriend terus sebab tak berani nak demand explanation or properly discuss about it. Yang penting declare world war dulu. Don't be surprise this happens rampantly in some families for it to become a habit and an attitude to be portrayed publicly. But of course dalam facebook or instagram semua nampak happy and baik lar. And don't think having degrees or masters or PHDs makes a person smart and automatically mature and responsible. Smart sure, but maturity, tak confirm langsung. So i guess one can summarize this whole paragraph as describing a hypocrite in big capital letters. And worst, this person can be a parent!

Another crucial thing i'm going to have to master doing is the art of ignoring. Not to my own hubs and kids, but to noises. They are usually outsiders/intruders who happens to see us not doing the norm and insist on forcing their values or belittling ours. Ignoring is the initial stage, which im gonna need more practice on. But the next stage which is "pouncing" or "attack" is a stage i am somewhat familiar and pretty pro at. Haha. Yeap. Am a proud tiger mommy defending her cubs and family.

Thanks Robert! This i shall try religiously!

My other big challenge that i need to conquer is to stop Yusuf from breastfeeding. Ya Allah, susah ok! Maybe coz i tak sampai hati watching him crying furiously not getting it. I managed to cut it down to just for naps and bedtime. So if for leisurely, i just pujuk him against it saying he's a big boy now and these will be for adik. And that Allah only permits till 2 years old. Ive yet to resort to fooling him with putting euww stuff on my boobs tho. 

So all in all, i'm really excited for the many more years to come iA so that i could learn from my children. and not to mention adik will be lucky coz mommy is now at a pretty confident stage of mommyhood to exercise our own family values and better protect her and abang insyaAllah.

May He grant us success!

P/s: despite turning two as a mommy, today also makes me turn 4 years, 4 months and 4 days as a wife! Woot! Woot! Alhamdulillah. May we will be blessed with 44 years and more till jannah as a couple insyaAllah! Love you babyboy!

It's Jumaah Jumaah!!

Salam everybodyyy! 

It's another friday peeps! it has been an official favourite day for me ever since i was in school, simply because i can't wait to finish class, then in uni, because i can't wait to run back home from campus/hostel, then at work, well... duh! semua orang tunggu hari jumaat and can't wait to rush back home to kickstart their weekends with their loved ones! yes, redah traffic jam pun sanggup uolls! asalkan esok cutiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!!!

As a SAHM now, regardless Fridays has lost its touch to be a "tak sabar nak habis" day for me, it is still however my favourite day. but the meaning has changed. all for the better.

Well for one, it is the most blessed day of the week for Muslims everywhere. At first i thought, ok cliche nyer, but after doing some of the beneficial "rituals" the prophet has left us with, the day has never before seemed so.... fulfilling. Seriously, today lar i will kerap berdoa and somehow felt this magical/divine (whatever u call it) feel that my prayers will be answered in due time! or if not exactly what i want, i am somehow content that it will be replaced with something better!

How i know? coz i dah buat lar! istiqamah (consistency) and confidence is KEY people. Especially in berdoa. Have to be yakin that He will grant you whatever you wish for (coz HE promised in the Quran many x1000000 times and He NEVER breaks His promises). If you somehow don't get it (let's say very specific you nak mintak migrate ASAP out of Malaysia, ahaks!, then He will make you more content and happy with something better that you tak pernah terfikir this would be wayyyy awesomer than the first wish! like a new addition to your family member for instance! *wink!wink!*).

So Friday, is a good day to START being grateful. coz once it's a habit, it's easy to  religiously do every single day iA. How to be grateful? just take some time in your life to ponder on the things He has given you. I know this can be kinda hard to do, especially bila tgh waktu happy and senang compared to waktu you tengah susah. i mean face it, masa happy dapat kereta baru contohnyer, setakat yeaaay kejap tu jer pastu dah. But when let's say that car got into an accident and one of your family members end up in hospital, baru nak rasa syukur sebab at least dia selamat dengan segala safety features mahal yang kereta tu provide. dari dia mati terus kan?

So if you ask me, the best method to be grateful is memang waktu tengah susah. That's why He allows the susah things to happen in our lives. To just get us to come begging for His help and love and mercy. Coz He the ALMIGHTY and ALL-POWERFUL bebeh! Bila tengah senang jer ada ker nak mengampu consistently to Him or even REMEMBER Him ardently as to when you tengah down? for beginners, kinda impossible!

But once you selalu buat, then it becomes a part of you. A character. Bila senang pun, you would not for a minute be forgetful of your maker who grants you the rainbow after the storm. All the gold and treasures in the world pun will make you humble and always thankful to Him. Heck, you'd thank to Him to just be awake and alive the next day from last night's sleep! Coz you have now grasp and understood the concept that all this was because of His doing and grace to give it to you. hardly 1% is your own effort. So apa yang nak dibanggakan kan? plus in the end, He promised to take it all back, all your mercedez, LV bags, your 5 kids, your romantic husband, your penthouse and your 50mill... and by that time we all beratur ramai2 tunggu turn dapat buku amalan tangan kanan or kiri? jatuh bawah in hell or crossover to the heavens in front. Haaaaaaaaa! takut? takuuuuuttttt...

So selalu-selalular ingat to be grateful. I doubt any of us sentiasa jer happy without any misfortune. it's just the frequency of the kesusahan and duration jer berbeza for each individual. But if you think you are never unfortunate, and DON'T remember Him as often, ketahuilah that a huge possibility He has abandoned you. It's like "enjoy lar kat sini sementara u can. sure I let u feel big, but selamat lar kau bila jumpa I nanti!" haaaaaa. heard that threat before? it's for the israel people larrrr! that's why they boleh buat havoc semua kat sini macam takkan nak mati! so i doubt you want to be in the same "cursed" clan kannn? Nauzubillah.

Ok lar peeps. Tak sangka bebelan impromptu i can also be soo long. If kat twitter ni dah kira flooding tsunami dah kot timeline tu! hehehehe.

So today jangan lupa:

1. Baca surah Al-Kahf 

boleh start after maghrib hari thursday till before maghrib on Friday; it protects you from the Dajjal and expiates your sins from this friday to the next and also give you the light (nuur iman) for that week also insyaAllah.

2. Banyakkan berzikir pagi and petang

Morning after subuh before dah terang benderang. evening after asar before maghrib. Benefits banyak giler. one of them includes selawat to our beloved prophet Muhammad SAW 10x pagi and 10x petang and if consistently done dapat his help (syafaat) in the hereafter. Imagine that out of billions of souls and he calls out OUR name to be with him! Subhanallah! coz by that time we nampak dia lalu, jangan we call out to him he buat tak kenal jerrr! coz like hellooooo. You never remember him often when on earth ada hati nak kenal and help you! haaaaaaaaa! macam how you ampu your boss at work lar kaaaan! ;P

Please get the book Hisnul Muslim. Concise collection of all sahih zikir and doas!

3. Friday is Grooming Day!

Tak kira lelaki or perempuan, all must look their best everyday, but especially today! why? coz it's sunnah!!! Extra pahala for just mandi sunat jumaat (not for org pergi solat jumaat only ok!), potong kuku, cabut bulu ketiak, berwangi-wangian pergi kerja, berhandsome-handsome pergi solat jumaat etc2! Guys, put on your best clothes for prayer! yes! ada baju melayu armani pun PAKAI!!! i'm telling you, today lar my hubs will be at his longest time in the bathroom every morning before heading to work! kalah i! siap trim beard lar, shampoo skali skala pun, this day will be the time he does it (proof is the toilet will smell wangi of my Lush products bila dia keluar. hari-hari lain agak jarang skali! hehehe!).

Jangan kedekut guna perfumes also ok! ladies, kat rumah also make it a habit to wear. not for nak kerja or keluar jalan-jalan only. mana tahu kot-kot si dia balik nak surprise lunch kat rumah ker, bau tu mau mengancam lar ok! pahala wangi untuk dia, bukan orang lalu sebelah you dalam mall or your work colleagues! Sunnah sunnahhhhh!!! Not fitnah!!! hehe.

4. Banyakkan berdoa

Seriously. biarlar sampai tertido tido pun ok!

I now leave you with the star of the show. Enjoyy!!!!

Rajin2 baca Quran also yea? Children See Children Do!